thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
