i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
