how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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