I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
