Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
