dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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