after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
