What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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