Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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