I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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