How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
