I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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