did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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