Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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