Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize