Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
