I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
