my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
should my penis look like a turkey
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
