There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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