So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
