one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we're making bets on your personal life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
