ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
