Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
