hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
