your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
