When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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