whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
