i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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