About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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