I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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