My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
