It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
