she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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