Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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