he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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