Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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