i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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