if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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