I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
