my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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