those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
