thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
