she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
