I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
