No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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