i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
