just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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