Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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