A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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