The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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