theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
