What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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