This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
