I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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