I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
