There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
