So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
