Cold hands, warm shart.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
