Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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