So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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