Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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