just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
