I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
