how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
