What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
