already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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