Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Houston, we have a blender
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
