we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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